jacket: (Vivi - drink in hand)
Jansen ([personal profile] jacket) wrote in [community profile] damned_lounge2012-02-10 02:40 pm
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HMD #5

[community profile] damned_institute HMD Meme

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(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 07:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Sometimes when I stalk your posts I have trouble understanding what you're trying to say- either the syntax is somewhat confused or you don't seem to have proof-read what you've written. I haven't really caught this with Renamon or Mikado, but it seems to be more noticeable with Albedo and Rei.
diamondstorm: (Default)

[personal profile] diamondstorm 2012-02-11 07:57 pm (UTC)(link)
I think I understand what you're saying. Could it be the different mentality of the characters? Albedo and Rei are both pretty inhuman, and their thoughts (more his than hers) will sometimes tangent into the abstract and obscure. It's how he's more or less supposed to be, but I'll keep better track of her. In some parts, it's necessary, but I'll strive to be more clear with her going forward. =)

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 08:32 pm (UTC)(link)
I really appreciate that you're open to discussing it! I did think it could be that at first, but there have been times where I've had trouble understanding what you're saying about very tangible, regular things, like walking outside or sitting down. It can sometimes read like, in an attempt to sound more inhuman or cerebral, you've sort of gotten lost with what you were trying to say, which is why I thought it could be a proof-reading thing.
diamondstorm: (Default)

[personal profile] diamondstorm 2012-02-11 09:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Huh. I really haven't had that pointed out to me before. I'll definitely pay more attention so I can try to see where you're coming from. Unless you had an example or something so I could see straight-out what you mean?

(Anonymous) 2012-02-11 10:18 pm (UTC)(link)
No problem.

http://damned-institute.dreamwidth.org/1193437.html?thread=82203613#cmt82203613

This post here is a pretty good illustration of what I mean just off the top of my head. a place he had no interest in, and one he had only went to willing once. for example was kind of hard to parse at first- do you mean he'd only willingly gone to the greenhouse once? I had to read it through several times to get that. Then there's:

The last time he was here, the last Sunday, and he had taken his brother here, and they had spoke-- Perhaps, then. Is when things had actually started. meanwhile feels badly chopped up in a way that I'm not sure is just stylistic- it's more like you re-wrote part of your post and never read through it again, especially with the verb disagreement (or typo? did you mean "spoken"?) in the first sentence. You also tend to over-use sentence fragments.

I do understand why you do it but it can make your posts really difficult to read and seem sloppy, and a lot of the time the grammar is just plain wrong. I also apologize ahead of time if I sound overly harsh or unfair here!
diamondstorm: (Default)

[personal profile] diamondstorm 2012-02-12 02:57 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, I see. Yeah, so more grammar/typo stuff it looks like. I normally don't relook over my posts once I hit submit so that's probably that problem. XD I should probably at least reread over them once. =P

The sentence fragment stuff I do on purpose to show emotions, usually if the character is in a broken/unstable frame of mind, which, LMAO, Albedo is about half the time. So that might be a continuing readability problem, but I think it gets the point I'm trying to show across as well.

Basically, though, I will start paying more attention to what I'm typing. I normally just punch these out and go, so I'll try to add it a little more effort. Thank you for taking the time to comment to me. =)